Empty arms again
by LAIsobel
Summary: After "Beneath the surface" they had something to think about - to talk about - and yet they couldn't as it was breaking their hearts.


A/N – As I'm feeling worn out (to my two sick daughters now my partner is sick as well, hell why not huh... I have begun to think that women are indeed superheroes!) I just let my mind wander a bit. So here we are. This story is one chapter story. But there might be a sequel. I am not sure yet – plus there are two ways how to handle the sequel – staying in canon – or not. So let me know what you think and what you want.

Timeline – right after Beneath the Surface

Spoilers – up to there

Beta - nope, I do my best but sorry for mistakes and typos - let me know and I will fix what you find

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A/N – this has been on my laptop for some time and I wasn't sure about posting it... I am somehow unsure about expressing myself in English on this one.

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 **Empty arms again**

It took only few hours for the General to get permission to help the workers to find a new home. It was not the tropical planet O'Neill had been talking about but it was a nice world with few settlements and a lot of place for people that needed new beginning. It was not an advanced world – but a good place to live if you were not looking for something Hi-tech like.

Jack and Daniel got checked out in the infirmary and they were both physically okay. As for the memory issue, memories were slowly coming back. At first it was nice but also the bad ones came and that was not so pleasant.

They both along with Teal'c got permission to accompany the workers to their new world and help them out in the beginning. And it was Daniel who made friends on that planet the first time they came there so he was needed there and Jack was not about to let him go alone.

Besides he needed time away from Carter. He needed to get back in control of his own emotions and thoughts. So a new short mission for a couple of days was what he needed.

Carter offered to stay with Brenna so she wouldn't be worried that much anyway. She wasn't so sure about her own future – if she was welcomed among the workers or not. But Sam could promise her to find her another planet to live if she thought that would have been better for her. They had allies after all.

Besides Sam needed time to recollect herself. It had taken her a lot of time to learn how to control her emotions and suddenly it was a wild ride. And she couldn't quite understand, she couldn't grasp it all. It was so unfair!

Whole two weeks passed till they all met in the briefing room again. Their memories were back, they were okay and ready to go for another mission. The General offered them more time off but they all declined. They needed to get back. They needed something to focus on.

He wasn't blind and he wasn't stupid so he could tell something was wrong with his flagship team but he just couldn't afford to guess. But by his experience – these people could sort things out but they needed the opportunity and sometimes going off-world was just what they needed. He knew it meant sort of privacy for them to address issues they could not otherwise.

And of course they needed time.

He wasn't the only one concerned. But having your memories erased would probably throw everyone off for a little while. Their psychological evaluation was okay so he had no reason to keep them on the base or on Earth.

And so when the Gate closed behind SG-1 he knew that they would either come back with everything resolved or they would come back and their ways would part. Those people were like a very unique mechanism – organism perhaps – and one could not function properly without the other. Or there was the third option – nothing will change and he would have to keep wondering and hoping they would fix whatever had been broken between them on that planet.

On P3X-217 was moderate climate, it was like spring there, nice, not too warm, air was fresh and smelled of some wild flowers. It was a simple recon mission planned for 48 to 72 hours. They were there to collect samples, check out the surroundings, to try to find signs of any civilization... and not for the first time they could do their job with very little words needed.

Jack and Teal'c noticed the strain between their friends but there was little – well close to nothing – they could do. So as always they just looked after them.

And it took three alike missions before Daniel couldn't take it anymore. Six weeks since coming back home from that frozen hell, six weeks, four missions, but no team night, no shared lunches or midnight snacks or early morning coffees. Nothing. They were back in the beginning before they became friends. Maybe it was even worse now. He missed them.

He wanted to help them but he didn't know how. They wouldn't talk to each other – aside from giving orders and answering them they were both very quite. They were making Teal'c proud! And he hated it. He had some ideas about the reasons but it was not his place to interfere. He knew that. And yet he felt like he needed to do something. He was afraid. And he was also worried – about them, for them.

P5X-373 was not so friendly as it seemed in the beginning. The weather was changing rapidly and it was getting really cold. The UAV spotted some ruins so they were heading that way. And luckily those were not just few stones and a big hole as it sometimes happened, these were castle-like with walls and something that used to be roof. It was far from perfect when it came to protecting them but it was better than nothing. Besides Daniel loved the architecture and was beyond himself while taking photos, videos and notes.

In two hours the weather changed from warm through cold to freezing and the rain that caught them on their way up to the castle was snow now and it didn't seem like it would stop anytime soon.

They were expected back in 72 hours so hopefully it would stop by then so they could go back home. If not, the SGC would try to contact them and so far it seemed the signal should reach them just fine so explanation could be made. Nothing to worry about.

Except for those 72 hours to come.

When the weather changed they went to search the place for the best shelter and found it luckily. They started fire and went out to collect as much firewood as possible. They didn't know when they would be able to get some more again. They made quite a pile by one of the walls. They were protected from snow and partially from wind but it would get cold anyway. They had their tent and sleeping bags but no winter gear as they were not expecting this.

The evening came quickly, the snow was still falling although it was not so heavy anymore. Under different circumstances it would actually be quite a lovely view.

Teal'c decided to meditate and the rest of the team sat by the fire. Carter installed some sensors around them – as they were there they could at least collect data about the planet. One of those was not working properly so she took her gun, pulled her hat down to her forehead and went to check it. And that was the option Daniel needed.

"Jack, have you talked to her yet?" He asked.

"About what?"

"I don't know... about whatever it is that is troubling you two."

"We're okay, Daniel." Jack said and used what he hoped to be his most convincing tone. The only problem was that it never actually worked on Daniel.

"Jack, what happened?" He asked his friend again and waited.

"Nothing, we got our memories erased, that's all." Jack said sarcastically.

"Jack."

"Daniel."

"Jaaaack..."

"Daniel?"

"Oh come on!" Daniel was getting frustrated. But he knew that getting Jack to talk was close to impossible.

"All right, Jack. Don't tell me. Just fix it." He told him and watched his friend narrowing his eyes on him.

"There is nothing to fix, Daniel. We are okay."

"Really? It doesn't seem that way to me. Jack, I know something happened. Is it about the memory stamp? Did you do something? Did you say something?" Daniel tried and to his surprise saw Jack sigh in frustration and get up.

"Jack..." He said softly as a friend. And knew he understood.

"How did you... how did you cope with..."

"With what?"

"Nothing." He said instead. Daniel was watching him and noticed – and not for the first time in the past weeks – that Jack started to flex his fingers a lot. His hands were itching for something – well or rather someone. It was such a small subtle gesture but it didn't go unnoticed by him.

"Sha're. How did you..." And he couldn't finish.

It took Daniel a moment to figure it out but then he understood.

"Memories of her, of our time together were haunting me, disturbing my sleep. They were hurting me. It was like losing her all over again and again every damn time." Daniel started and Jack just sat down and watched him. Daniel looked his friend into his eyes and knew he was on the right track.

"But it changed in time and I began to cherish them. They are comforting now. I love every single memory I have of her."

Jack just nodded and Daniel wished he could do more.

"Maybe you should try to talk to her." Daniel suggested after a moment of silence.

"No."

"Jack."

"No."

And before he could continue Sam came back and immediately noticed that she had interrupted something.

"Aaaargh, I can come back later."

"No need, Major." Jack told her and even he could hear how icy that sounded. She just nodded and without a word sat down by the fire.

Daniel knew there was nothing to be done. So he decided to call it a night and disappeared into their tent. With Teal'c meditating on the other side of the room Jack suddenly found himself alone with Carter after all those weeks. And he hated how it all was between them.

"Sir?"

"Yeah?"

And she wanted to say something but when he looked her, finally after such a long time, her words got lost. And so she just sat there looking at him. After a minute there were tears in her eyes threatening to fall down her cheeks and she shivered. Jack's eyes never left hers till she looked away to wipe her tears and move closer to the fire. She hugged herself, obviously cold.

Jack couldn't take it anymore, he moved closer and throw one of their blankets over her shoulders and hugged her close to his side to help her to feel warm again. No words were said.

They didn't know how much time had passed but when Sam looked around Teal'c was no longer there. Subtle. When she looked up she met Jack's eyes.

"You know, sometimes I wish I have never remembered. " She said softly. And he understood completely. "And then I feel so selfish."

"Me too." He answered and it was barely above whisper.

"You do?" Sam asked surprised.

"Yeah... because back then in that little hell hole I was actually happy." He admitted, not really sure from where were these admissions coming from. He was not planning on telling her.

Before she could think about it she hugged him and to her relief he hugged her back, burying his nose into her neck. It was not supposed to happen and he knew that but he couldn't deny himself this.

"I just want you to know that I don't regret anything that happened there." She told him softly her voice thick with emotions.

"Well, I do." He replied and it shocked her to her core. She let him go and when she looked at him he saw the hurt and confusion written all over her face.

"Under normal circumstances it would have been different." He clarified.

"What?" She was not following. He was looking into the fire, hands clasped on his knees.

"Under normal circumstances I would ask you out first, knocking on your door with flowers in my hand, taking you to dinner and movies or dancing or so..." and as he got lost in his mind she relaxed. Now she understood.

"Would you walk me back home?"

"Sure. Not that I wouldn't want to make sure you were home safely but I would also hope for a goodbye kiss."

"And would you want me to ask you to come inside for a coffee?" She tried and he looked at her and she had to smile. That look he had only for her.

"That's one complicated question."

"How?"

"As a gentleman I should not. But God help me I am only human so yeah, I would want you to ask me to come inside." He said feeling a lot better than few hours ago.

"And we would be very nervous from the shift in our relationship." Sam added.

"Probably." He agreed.

"So... maybe it's good we know we have nothing to be nervous about, huh?" She tried and his surprised look made her grin. He even blushed a little!

"Carter... You deserved more than what I could give you back there." He told her seriously and it warmed her heart.

"I wouldn't change one thing about it, okay?" She said and hoped he understood. "And we can have the dinner and dancing and comfy bed later once..." And she couldn't finish. It hurt too much.

"Once the war is over and we..." He suggested and she nodded. And there were tears again.

It felt good to talk and perhaps they could continue to work together. They needed time. Jack checked his watch and when he noticed Sam shivering again he moved back closer to her.

"C'mere..." He said softly and she didn't protest. She hugged him and let her tears fall for a minute. And he held her and wished he could do more.

He missed her, her warm skin, the way she felt in his arms, her unique scent, he missed her heartbeat and he missed her whole. She was so close and yet out of reach.

"It has to mean something, right? That even with our memories gone the feelings were still there."

"Sam... it means everything." He told her and kissed her forehead. And they stayed locked together for some more time.

"One thing, Sir."

"Yeah?"

"Back there I didn't get the chance to say goodbye." And before he could do something she kissed him. It was wrong on so many levels but she needed to do it and he needed it too. Closure. For the time being. And so they kissed and hugged and then with all the willpower they had in themselves she move away from one another.

"So... what now?" She asked after a long time of silence.

"Now I have to learn how to live with my arms empty again."


End file.
